It can be difficult to know how to help someone you love and care for when they have gone through a traumatic event, but there are ways to support them.

Everyone experiences trauma differently and the healing process is also different for everyone. Feelings and emotions may bubble to the surface immediately or sometimes years after the traumatic event.

It’s natural to want to make someone you love and care for feel better again, but it’s important to accept what has happened. There is nothing you can say or do to make the person’s pain disappear. That will happen with time, rest, and appropriate support. Explain to them that you are sorry about what they have had to experience and that you are there to help them in any way they need.

Make time to be with the person and make it obvious that you are available. Sometimes, there can be a tendency to want to move someone on before they are ready, because the traumatic experience makes us feel uncomfortable. Try to avoid doing this. People who have had a traumatic experience can feel very reassured by human contact.

Don’t take their feelings to heart. They may be irritable, depressed, angry or frightened. Strong feelings and emotional outbursts are common – try not to take it personally. It is important to recognise that they have had a stressful experience and that their reactions are normal and will subside in time. You can help by reassuring the person that their reactions are normal.

Encourage the person to take good care of themselves, for example, by eating well, avoiding alcohol, drugs or stimulants, and by attempting to maintain regular sleeping habits. Suggesting to a person that they maintain regular daily routines and habits can be helpful as well. You can also offer practical support, such as doing the housework or grocery shopping for them or pick their children up from school.

You may need to let the person have time by themselves but let them know you are there for them without judging.

Don’t insist on talking if the person doesn’t want to. If they do want to talk about what happened, just be calm and listen carefully. If there are some difficult decisions to be made, help them to identify the different options however don’t make the decisions for them.

Don’t be impatient or expect them to ‘get over it’ in a certain time as it can take months or longer to recover from an event. Don’t insist they need professional help as not everyone who experiences a distressing event needs treatment. It will be more effective if they get it when they want it, even if that is later than is ideal.

Help them to relax and get involved in activities. Relaxation and fun are important recovery tools. Exercise burns off stress chemicals, reduces muscle tension and encourages better sleep and socialising, even low-key events such as sitting around with friends can help to reduce stress levels.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to find ways to help them to smile or laugh. Laughter is always the best medicine.