September 11 is R U OK? Day but a conversation can change a life any day of the year. But how do you have that conversation when you have a feeling someone you know or care about isn’t behaving as they normally would?
WHEN SHOULD YOU ASK R U OK?
If you feel like something’s not quite right with someone, trust your gut.
Notice what they are saying. Are they confused, moody, concerned, lonely or lacking self-esteem? Notice what they are doing. Are they becoming withdrawn, changing their online behaviour, behaving recklessly or unable to concentrate?
Or is something going on in their life? Is the person having relationship issues, major health issues, work pressures or lost someone they care about?
There are lots of reasons someone could be going through a rough patch. If your gut tells you something is up, it’s time to ask.
GETTING READY TO ASK
We’re always told to put our oxygen mask on before our loved ones and the same goes for mental health.
Ask yourself if you are in the right headspace to have the conversation, if you are willing to genuinely listen and if you can give as much time as needed.
If you are in the right headspace, are you prepared?
When you ask someone how they are you need to be ready for the answer, “no I’m not”. You need to know that you can’t ‘fix’ someone else’s problems and you also need to accept that the person might not be ready to talk.
Choose somewhere relatively private and comfy, figure out a good time for them to chat and make sure you have allowed enough time to have a good chat.
HOW TO ASK – ALEC
There are four key steps to an R U OK conversation. Ask, listen, encourage action and check in (ALEC).
ASK: Be relaxed, friendly and concerned in your approach. Help them open up by asking “how have you been going?” or “what’s been happening?” and mention specific things you have noticed like them being less chatty than usual. If they don’t want to talk, that’s okay, just let them know you are concerned or ask if there is someone else they’d be comfortable talking to.
LISTEN: Take what they say seriously and don’t interrupt or rush them. Don’t be judgmental and if they need time to think sit patiently in the silence. Encourage them to explain or elaborate and show that you’ve listened by repeating back what you have heard in your own words.
ENCOURAGE ACTION: Ask “what have you done in the past to manage similar situations?”, “how would you like me to support you?”, “what is something you can do for yourself right now?” You could offer something you do when you’re going through a difficult time, and if they have been feeling down for more than a couple of weeks encourage them to see a health professional.
CHECK IN: Remember to check in. Pop a reminder in your diary to call them. If they’re really struggling follow up with them sooner. Ask if they’ve found a better way to manage the situation. If they haven’t don’t judge them as they might’ve just needed someone in that moment. Stay in touch and be there for them. Genuine care and concern can make a real difference.
| R U OK? is a national suicide prevention charity that aims to start life-changing conversations. For more R U OK? resources or to find help go to www.ruok.org.au If you are having suicidal thoughts, seek assistance by contacting your trusted healthcare professional or call Lifeline on 13 11 14. If you are concerned for your safety of the safety of others, call Triple Zero (000). |
